How to Build Resilience for Yourself and Your Family: The Five Protective Factors

At the Great Start Parent Coalition, our mission is to help all families be as strong and resilient as they can, so their kids can grow up to be strong, resilient adults who go out and make the world a better place!  With a mission like that, it's easy to get stuck wondering, "Where do we start?  How do families build resilience, and what does that even mean?"  

Fortunately, we have this handy framework we use, called the Strengthening Families Protective Factors.  These five Protective Factors are all things that families can do to help build their resilience.  What is resilience?  It is the ability to be strong and flexible, to handle what life throws at you without breaking down.  It's the ability to bounce back (or better yet, bounce forward!) when life gets tough.  

As I write this, we are in the midst of a global pandemic that has gone on way too long.  Even the strongest, most resilient people are getting weary.  So we all need this right now, no matter where we are, or how much we normally have our lives together.  This is for all of us. 

So what are the Strengthening Families Protective Factors?  I'm glad you asked!  Here are the five things that families can focus on to be as resilient as possible:

Parental Resilience:  Parental resilience basically means managing stress and functioning well when facing adversity, challenges, and trauma.  We all face adversity in our lives.  So when that happens, how do you handle it?  Do you curl up in a ball, snap at your loved ones, or just try to check out of life as much as possible?  Or do to take a deep breath, make a plan of action, and take care of yourself and your people?  How we handle stress has a HUGE impact on those around us, and how we habitually handle stress sets the example for our kids on how to handle their stress as adults.

Social Connections: Having strong social connections means having positive relationships that help provide emotional, informational, instrumental, and spiritual support.  When we have strong social connections, we have friends and family we can be real with, who we can call on for advice and help with day-to-day life stuff, and just to talk and laugh with.  These are relationships where we help each other out, enjoy each other's company, and care about each other.

Concrete Support in Times of Need:  Concrete support in times of need means being able to get help when we need it, so we can bounce back when life gets challenging.  This can include accessing programs and services in the community (like getting help for a child with special needs, or getting unemployment if you've lost your job), and it can also mean having social connections you can call on when you need help.  If have a friend or family member you can call if you need a last-minute babysitter in an emergency, or a ride to work when your car breaks down, that is also a concrete support in times of need.

Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development:  Knowledge of parenting and child development basically means understanding what kids normally do at each age, and having positive parenting strategies to support their development.  Sometimes our kids can do things that are annoying or don't make sense to us as adults.  But if we understand that our toddler throwing a tantrum at the grocery store is pretty developmentally normal, we can then handle it without blaming our child and thinking that he is the worst kid ever.  And having a positive, effective way to deal with it when the toddler throws a tantrum (instead of yelling at him and escalating the situation) will help us have happier, more loving relationships with our kids.

Social/Emotional Competence: It is important for both adults and children to be socially and emotionally competent, which means that we can communicate clearly, understand our emotions, and manage our feelings effectively.  For kids, that means being able to "use their words", to understand that is okay to feel what they're feeling, and to display age-appropriate self regulation.  For adults, it means understanding our emotions, being self-aware, and choosing a positive  and effective response to our feelings.

If these five protective factors are in place in your family, then you will be much better able to handle what life throws at you!  Most of us have areas in which we're really strong, and areas where we could use some work.  What would you say is your family's strongest protective factor, and which one would you like to improve?  I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!  And if you want more information about any of these protective factors, click on the links in each section above!